Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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