I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize