We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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