you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
