so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
