smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
