the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
