Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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