Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
