Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
