In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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