I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
