the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
