Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
