Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
