i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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