hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
