Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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