I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
