I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
