I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
