I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
