party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's the barista slut.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
