She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
