Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
