i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
