im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
