jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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