I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
