just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
