Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
