hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
