My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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