Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
