I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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