I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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