i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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