I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
