i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
