I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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