i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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