What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
