I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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