I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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