Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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