either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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