life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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