Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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