is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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