I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
