you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
