The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
