The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
