May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
