I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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