I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
