Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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