somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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