whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
