I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
