My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
