Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is the high leading the old right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
