oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
