dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize