I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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